Stevan Agar, Head of Finance

I have always been academically driven, and this always led me to feel as though I didn’t quite fit in, especially in a classroom environment. Thus, at university, when I felt profoundly uncomfortable in a lecture theatre of 400 people, I just put it down to that. I avoided many classes due to the way I felt, but one class I couldn’t, Analytics 1 & 2 and derivations from first principles; they wouldn’t put any of the lecture notes or course materials online, therefore I was forced to go. I would avoid some classes, especially Friday 9am – student cheap drinks were a Thursday night! This meant the following class, I would always be on the back foot and I would ask questions if I wasn’t up to speed. I once remember the lecturer stopping, turning round and saying to me ‘but that’s obvious’ and then solving it, in front of everyone. After that, I would notice people looking at me in lectures, but I would remain silent. This grew to a point where I struggled with crowds and as a result stopped going to shopping centres, football games and the like. But it wasn’t until I struggled to go to a party, I thought I needed to talk to someone.

Next week I was back on form at work, I got praised for something and I remember properly beaming having felt better than I had in a long while. My manager came over, I was expecting a chat on how its good to see me back on form, but instead they loudly declared in the whole office “I hope you haven’t just been putting this on the last few weeks for sympathy”. I looked for other jobs that evening.



I went to my final counselling session and felt very fortunate as it was with the counsellor, and they recommended two more sessions. I panicked as to how I was going to pay for it, but work sorted it for me. I’m still not sure how, but I do remember that my final session was before two interviews that day, both of which I smashed.

I still struggle with crowds or busy pubs sometimes, but I’m so grateful I was given the opportunity to grow and learn tools that have helped me with all kinds of pressures since. 

• Share whatever you can, we are all part of the team, everyone has struggles and not only does it help others empathise, but it also gives them confidence to speak up on their own issues
• Use councillors and any tools provided, few people can afford either mentally or financially to go it alone
• Implore leaders to think about how they come across when they have been trusted with personal situations